Welcome To My Method Of Venting..

Going to learn how to play..”brighter than sunshine” by aqualung, on the guitar.

It is WAY out of my whole aptitude level..but i’m going to try to do it anyways ha..i have just discovered i’m kinda obsessed with it.

it’s from my favorite movie in the entire world..a lot like love.

incredible.

not that i am the reigning leader of a mass of blog enthusiasts or anything like that, but if anyone reads this (which i like to think someone does, it gives me a bit more piece of mind about tlaking to myself) i apologize for my lack of faithfulness to my blog. i am watching julie and julia right now, which if you’ve seen it, that explains why the sudden rememberance that i have a blog. due to this movie also, while i am not EXTREMELY impressed with the ACTUAL substance of the movie right now..(seems a little slow)..it has inspired me. i want to accomplish something. seems like i haven’t accomplished anything, nothing big or meaninfull or whatnot, at least not recently. so that’s my new ambition. what exactly it is that i want to accomplish, i’m not sure yet. i’ll get back to you.

i miss richfield.

so long (: 

i carry your heart with me

i carry it in my heart

i am never without it

anywherei go you go,my dear;

and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling
i fear no fate

for you are my fate, my sweet

i want no world

for beautiful you are my world, my true

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide

and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart; i carry it in my heart

Edward Estlin Cummings

yeaa yeaa..i’m a boss.

(:

i think tomorrow i am going to head up to viejas..and find a fountain…and steal some love out of it (:

i think it would be a good investment of my time and gas..

sooo..tomorrow is my last day of freedom..i have two applications to hand in..one to some restaraunt that i dont know..and one to olive garden..i think my best bets are ..olive garden as a hostess…or the FIVE starbucks locations i applied to…CROSS YOUR FINGERS..i’m tired of job searching..i just want to have one…so i REALLY hope this works.

school starts on tuesdayy…new friends?..i hope so..but..you know what they say.. ‘derek stoker’s are pretty hard to come by” haaa.

you definately find out who your true friends are..when you move six hundred miles away..and see who still wants to talk to you (:..only the best of the bestt.

DEAR ASHLEY:

……Just sayin.

Love always, Kayy Dunn.

WHICH MEANS…several things…

first off.. yesterday was my BEST FRIEND’S birthday! (: happy birthday chase brown! i met you when we were fourteen and we’ve been best friends ever since! it’s crazy that you’re an adult!

second off…my other BEST FRIEND’S birthday is in just a few days..and i can’t waitt (: i have the best present in the world in mind..i hope it works out (:

third off… “Going the distance” came out today…and we were supposed to go see it together..in october. now i doubt i’ll even be able to go to it. it very well could kill me. even though i wanted to see it more than anything… …….unbearable.

i miss my life..and i really wish i could have it back.

i miss my friends. and i miss having a lovee. and i miss the way we USED to be. before all this.. i miss that a lot..

i’m sick of my bedroom. it’s all i ever see..but then again i DO NOT want to start school..i just want to go to MY school.

i wish my life had a clap on setting…(remember clap on disco balls ash?)…like…

‘clap clap’——i’m in richfield

‘clap clap’——the last month never happened

‘clap clap’——everything didn’t change

‘clap clap’——i am surrounded by my best friends.

…anyone know of one of these machines?..

let it all out
get it all out
rip it out remove it
dont be alarmed when the wound begins to bleed

Cause we’re so scared to find out
what this life’s all about
so scared we’re going to lose it
not knowing all along
that’s exactly what we need

and today i will trust you with the confidence
of a man who’s never known defeat
but tomorrow, upon hearing what i did
i will stare at you in disbelief
oh, inconsistent me
crying out for consistency

and you said i know that this will hurt
but if i don’t break your heart then things will just get worse
if the burden seems to much to bear
remember
the end will justify the pain it took to get us there.

and i’ll let it be known
at times i have shown
signs of all my weakness
but somewhere in me
there is strength
and you promise me
that you believe
in time i will defeat this
cause somewhere in me
there is strength.

and today i will trust you with the confidence
of a man who’s never known defeat
and i’ll try my best to just forget
that that man isn’t me.

and you said i know that this will hurt
but if i don’t break your heart then things will just get worse
if the burden seems to much to bear
remember
the end will justify the pain it took to get us there.

reach out to me
make my heart brand new
every beat will be for you

and i know you know
you touched my life
when you touched my heavy heart and made it light.

…..

relient k..

if more people could write like this i think the world would be a much more understanding place. i aim to be like you guys.

Noww…dont get me wrong..california is still lamer than my lovely upbeat friend filled richfield existance that i took for granted…(yes i know you all told me so..maybe one of these days i should learn to listen) butt…i guess i’m seein it start to get a little better…may i introduce..my first piece of good news….

confused?..(: welll my dad got his first minor paycheck today from his new REAL job at a dealership..forgot the name of it..shoot..anyways he drove himself down the road to the nearest bank to cash it..and after cashing it the woman at the desk said “did you know that if you come in and open an account with us before six o clock today you will get a free ipod touch”..my super technologically advanced dad asked what an ipod touch was and from what i hear there was quite a bit of laughter from the women behind the desk.

sooo sure enough my mom and i opened him an account today and the ipod touch (which i will so proudly be allowed to claim for my own) will be shipped out on november 15th! hooray for early christmas presents! my first ipod! (:

..piece of information number two today is actually a follow up of what i did a few days ago…which is sign up for classes at grossmont high school here in SD.. since i’m a senior i only have to take five classes..which means i get to leave at 12:15 when lunch starts and never go back..(sorta makes up for the fact that i’ll be rolling out of bed at 4:30 everymorning if i wish to bathe before getting to seminary..starting at 6:00 am. bummer) i only need two credits…english and gov..so the rest i signed up for ridiculous electives…begining guitar..photo..newspaper..college prep..and office aid..hahaha. i will get three out of the five..i have ALWAYS wanted to learn how to play the guitar…like ALWAYS ..i kinda wanna be a flower girl type of chick..who wears ripped jeans and plaid button ups with a big flower in her hair and no eye liner…with long curly hair who plays the guitar barefooted…i dont think i could ever pull it off but i idolize those who can.

anyways…my mother and i..in our boredom/want to avoid housework ..hit a few pawn shops today….and found me a guitar! it’s super cute…brown with red around the edges and totally legit..even came with a case and some pics…yes the case may have the name of some boy named harry grahm written on the front of it with some sort of white utencil..but that didn’t dillute my excitement for even half a second..i am SUPER pumped to learn to play and now i even have my very own guitar! i would say that this is B.A. but i am also trying to clean up my language since i’ve gotten here..

ya gotta love camera phones…

ALSO…

i just got home from an interview at hollister…i thought it went pretty well and the woman who interviewed us was adorable..it would be AMAZING to work there…i think i would diee…of pure joyy…but who knows..prayers would not be objected to! i’m in desperate need of a job..any job..and i have applications out everywhere…hmm.all in due time i suppose..anyways..i found out today that you aren’t allowed to wear makeup if you work there…for real. no eyeliner. no lip color..no dark eyeshadow….soo…if hired..(has anyone ever noticed that all of their employees have that in common? i sure haven’t)…a change of appearance would be necesary…ha..but whatev…change can be good right?..maybe?..eh.

i’m cutting my bangs straight accross tomorrow. i know everyone hates them straight across and will try to stop me. but guess what. it’s not going to work. i’m purging.

also..lastly..suzy..i love you (: haha..i just read your blog about me and you are the bomb. and you think i’m lots cooler than i really am. but i guess that’s okay..someone’s got to. ha..i want to visit..and i can’t wait for you guys to come here…do max and gwen like the ocean?..or are they scared of it?..i would love to see that…i think shadow misses them (: haha i know we do…ohhhh and you may want to warn joey..cuz i think my mother and i may have both used either you or him as references on a few of our applications.. :/ sorry! ha…butttt i tried to comment your blog and it wouldn’t let me…too badd.. i miss youu..

i miss everyone else…and lovee you all..off to get ready for youth conference…maybe to find some friends? peacee (:

have been psycho insanoooo.

not in a good way either…i miss richfield…baddd :(

i’m over this..i’m overr all the dramaa. lets plan a vegas getawayyy!

booo. butt. on the upside we have all of our furniture into our house..a half unpacked kitched…some boxes in their correct rooms and a whole stash of other boxes in piles in the garage…BUT..no more moving trucks..it’s all here..and my bed is all set up and my room just waiting to be unpacked…we had our first real dinner cooked at our new home tonight so we’re finally starting to get settled. i think my dad is headed to get his temp sales lisence tomorrow and go to workkk. soooo…i guess things are as good as they can be here..or getting there.

i just dont wanna be here…i want to be homee.

my babylove tinker has fleas :(…my parents say there are no fleas in utah and they live mostly just here…i hate california..it’s hurting my babyyy :( she’s been scratchy all day and i washed her with flea shampoo..and got her a flea collar..but now i’m scared to touch her cuz i’m scared of fleas and i hate that cuz i love laying with my kittyyy :(

ughh! i just want my best friend trashleyy rayy to come to california and live here and play with me…cuz i know i can’t go home to there…. :( …trashhh!

..i have a real fear here guys..i might actually..uuhmm….

..be finding copper cute. :/..haha he has taken to curling up in a little ball and sleeping right against my back when i sleep or on top of my feet..it’s actually kinda cute..he likes to cuddle with tinker too…i REALLY love tinker…she’s my temporary babylovee cuz i can’t curl up with logan anymore…she’s sorta preciouss…

i also have some more news…we talked to the bishop in our new california ward today..he let us in on the fact that we are in the grossmont school district..which means..i can go to grossmont high..(from what i hear it’s a bit of a sketchy school) ..orrrr…mnt helix high..a charter school.

noww..if you’re like me first thought was..uniforms?..haha NO thank goodness they dont make you wear them..it’s not a private school…just like a … geared toward college type of school?…block schedual?..i think that might be wherei go though…except we also heard that they may have started class today?..haha..sooo..i might be going to school soon…super lameee.

also…i am very glad we finally rented a house today! SUCH good news!..it’s sooo cutee..! (:

yeppp! home sweet home! 5092 Guava Unit 126 La Mesa California (: i’m pretty excited to get out of this motel room and into our new HOMEE! (:

…AND i’m glad it isn’t the creepy haunted goblin killer place…i was already planning on sleeping with my id in my sock at all times..so the authorities could identify my mangled body…no one believes me i fear..but check it out…i kid you not..feast your eyes on my ALMOST death…

meet the back porch…you know this is where they hang the mangled remains..

i’m over it.

i miss my life…i miss logan.. i miss logan a lottttttttt.

i want to go home to himm :(

that’s all.   night…

it annoys me … it is so terribleeee. haha..stalker central pretty much and it’s just annoying…haaa.

BUT on the whole house hunting deal…things are lookin up! …we found today…a house in a little development that was SO cute! and like perfect pretty much! .. excepttt…one thing. no shadow :(…so obviously that was a no go…my mother almost had a nervous breakdown just at the thought of getting rid of him haha…BUT there was a few other cute houses in the area that were almost the same..so we called and we’re hoping one of them will be…still in our price range and pet friendly! cross your fingersss!

and we looked at one in alpine tonight that we are going to see the inside of tomorrow morning…my dad loved it…ehhh. not me. it was creep. a little blue house surrounded by trees (of course he loved it) in a freakin canyon…with a giant dirt backyard…but get this..you walk down to the bottom of the dirt yard…there’s a dried up little creek with a creepy..half broken..half not..hanging wooden bridge crossing the creek…THEN sorta next to that..in our backyard..there is a giant red barn in the backyard!! a freakin BARN! ….it’s dark inside and the door is on the opposite side ..facing away from the house!!!! oh oh..but it gets better…on the back porch..there is this contraption..it is made of wood..a few feet taller than me..and it looks like an upside down U…first thing my dad says is..”look! a place to hang our deer”

…soooo..lets get this straight…the little goblins..(and just to help you visualize i am picturing those little ‘i am legend’ dudes)..anyways..the little goblins..every night..crawl out of their little mountain goblin hideaway..cross little baby crooked demon bridge..and take camp in the giant..invisible entrance red BARN..just waiting for their innocent and feeble minded prey..(lets just say..a little three person family new to the area who decided to rent?) to roll up so they can snatch them away…murder them painfully..and hang them from their little hanging post on the back porch..

you have GOT to be kidding me..

darren loves it…

i will never sleep a wink..

so everyone please pray that the inside of that house can be hideous…it would be greatly appreciated… (:

anywhooo…derby night tonight…sad that i missed it :( i love you alllll.

is eating all of the dog food and none of her own..why? once piece is as big as that little twirp’s head.

Shadow and copper are also having a WWD smackdown at the foot of my bed and keep moving my mattress side to side so i keep havin to backspace and rewrite….long story short..i’m over motel 6.

i miss my home. my friends. my sister. and my lovee.

the link belowwww…

yess it is rated R…sorry! and yess i should not go see it..butttt…truth is..i probably will…bad decision i’m aware but at least i’m not going full blown commandment hasher and lying about it too…nightt everyonee…